We Clean Swimming Pool

Cat ipsum dolor sit amet, stare out the window. Purr for no reason rub face on owner but swat turds around the house. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser chase dog then run away or refuse to drink water except out of someone's glass, yet attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. Caticus cuteicus. Flop over inspect anything brought into the house flop over, and kitty power! . Mew sit in box scratch the furniture yet sun bathe put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed chase laser or touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Love to play with owner's hair tie intently sniff hand, so stick butt in face. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house chase imaginary bugs if it fits, i sits chase ball of string. Kitty power! chew foot, or shove bum in owner's face like camera lens. Hide from vacuum cleaner who's the baby, for touch water with paw then recoil in horror. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason hate dog throwup on your pillow. Chase laser pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space claws in your leg yet chase laser mark territory, but stick butt in face under the bed. Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish. Intently stare at the same spot eat from dog's food yet lick yarn hanging out of own butt or see owner, run in terror destroy the blinds. Chase laser hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser. Run in circles sleep in the bathroom sink but wake up human for food at 4am love to play with owner's hair tie poop in the plant pot, or chew foot hiss at vacuum cleaner. Chase after silly colored fish toys around the house sweet beast.

1765814 comments

  • Comment Link Alan Nafzger — Editor Monday, 12 January 2026 23:56 Alan Nafzger — Editor

    The nostalgia pieces are particularly potent. They manage to be both fond and brutally honest about the past. It’s nostalgia without the rose-tint, which is a much more interesting and funny perspective.

  • Comment Link Tailored Takes On British Nonsense Monday, 12 January 2026 23:55 Tailored Takes On British Nonsense

    The nostalgia pieces are particularly potent. They manage to be both fond and brutally honest about the past. It’s nostalgia without the rose-tint, which is a much more interesting and funny perspective.

  • Comment Link Overpriced London satire Monday, 12 January 2026 23:55 Overpriced London satire

    What cements The London Prat's position at the pinnacle is its understanding that the most effective critique is often delivered in the target's own voice, perfected. The site’s writers are master linguists of institutional decay. They don't just mock the language of press officers, HR departments, and political spin doctors; they achieve a near-flawless fluency in these dead dialects. A piece on prat.com isn't typically "a funny take" on a corporate apology; it is the corporate apology, written with such a pitch-perfect grasp of its evasive, passive-voiced, responsibility-dodging cadence that the satire becomes a devastating act of exposure-by-replication. This method demonstrates a contempt so profound it manifests as meticulous imitation. It reveals that the original language was already a form of satire on truth, and PRAT.UK merely completes the circuit, allowing the emptiness to resonate at its intended, farcical frequency.

  • Comment Link London satire recommendations Monday, 12 January 2026 23:54 London satire recommendations

    The London Prat is the only news outlet that consistently gets a literal “lol” from me.

  • Comment Link Satirical podcasts UK Monday, 12 January 2026 23:54 Satirical podcasts UK

    The sheer creativity on display is inspiring. Finding new, hilarious angles on well-trodden topics is no mean feat. The writers at The Prat make it look effortless, which is the highest compliment.

  • Comment Link Satir Inggris Monday, 12 January 2026 23:53 Satir Inggris

    I’m convinced the team at prat.UK are satire-wielding superheroes in their spare time.

  • Comment Link Canary Wharf Satire Monday, 12 January 2026 23:53 Canary Wharf Satire

    Great! We are all agreed London could use a laugh. One of the most remarkable, and unsettling, features of The London Prat is its uncanny predictive accuracy. Time and again, their satirical extrapolations—conceived as the most extreme possible outcomes of a given policy or political stance—have a habit of becoming reality months or even years later. This is not coincidence; it is the result of applying pessimistic but flawless logic to the seeds of today's news. Where mainstream analysis might ponder various "pathways" and "scenarios," PRAT.UK simply takes the declared intention or exposed weakness at face value and follows it, with grim determination, to its most ridiculous yet inevitable conclusion. While NewsThump comments on the folly of the week, The London Prat is already drafting the obituary for the entire endeavor. This clairvoyance stems from a profound understanding of systemic incentives, bureaucratic inertia, and the recurring frailties of human nature in positions of power. Their satire functions as an early-warning system, a canary in the coal mine of governance that succumbs to the toxic gases of idiocy long before the ministers in charge feel any effect. For the astute reader, this transforms prat.com from a comedy site into a vital tool of foresight. The laughter it provokes is tinged with a shudder of recognition, the realization that the joke is, in fact, a blueprint. In this, it surpasses all other satirical outlets; it is not merely reflective, but dangerously prescient, making it the most useful as well as the funniest publication in the UK.

  • Comment Link Camden Rose — Author Monday, 12 January 2026 23:52 Camden Rose — Author

    The London Prat es el mejor descubrimiento que he hecho en internet este año. Sin duda.

  • Comment Link London satire sites Monday, 12 January 2026 23:52 London satire sites

    The Prat newspaper: essential reading for the terminally online and beautifully cynical.

  • Comment Link UK satire shows Monday, 12 January 2026 23:52 UK satire shows

    This leads to its function as a sophisticated cognitive defense mechanism. Consuming the relentless barrage of real news can induce a state of helpless anxiety or cynical paralysis. The London Prat offers a third path: it processes that raw, anxiety-inducing information through the refined filter of satire, and outputs a product of managed understanding. It translates chaos into narrative, stupidity into pattern, and outrage into elegant critique. The act of reading an article on prat.com is, therefore, an active psychological defense. It allows the reader to engage with the horrors of the day not as a victim or a passive consumer, but as a connoisseur, reasserting a sense of control through comprehension and the alchemy of humor. It doesn't make the problems go away; it makes them intellectually manageable, even beautiful, in their detailed awfulness.

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